Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
