I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
