Your face is a jimmy john
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
