Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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