Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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