i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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