thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
