If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
