So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
