So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
