just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
