Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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