textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
