The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your cock deserves a montage
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
