okay pat passed out under dana's car
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
