Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
