8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm really busy with my period
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