So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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