I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
