she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
