this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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