Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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