Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
