i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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