I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
