in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
