We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
