Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
