The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think i have herpe
just one?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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