my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize