is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
