My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
