i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
