you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
