Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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