hotel room ftw
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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