I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
