Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
