piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
