you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
