I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
