so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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