He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
