as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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