he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
