Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
