Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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