and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
