Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
