I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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