Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
