I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When did angry sex become our thing?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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