I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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