Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
