Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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