ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You made out with two different species that night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
