New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize