I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
