I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
