Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
