My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
