Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize