His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Terrible idea I love it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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