Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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