oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
