I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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