is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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