so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
