My nipple is on Facebook.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
