I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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