I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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