Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The uberlube is also flammable
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
