I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
