He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
