my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
