Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
