Where is the hickey?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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