I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Acid is not a monday night drug
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
