I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
