so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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