i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
